Spiritual Crisis: SOS of Fears


My greatest fear is that I live to my fullest potential, purpose and possibility. It is not dying rather insuring I am awake that frightens me. I face death in every moment, however, I do often face this fact. This time here can either be filled with love or fear. The choice is up to me.

My spiritual SOS happens when the dark depths of my soul haunts me. From this terrifying place a tiny light of awakening is reborn. Out of this vulnerable and wounded place a beautiful birth forms from death.

Broken, and in great emotional pain of I try to find my way home out of this feverish state of anxiety. Dante's tale in the Divine Comedy, exemplifies this terror of being lost within our fearful inner wilderness unable to function. It is my "Dark Night of Soul" where the horror of death and the abyss of loss haunts me to my deepest core. Out of the storm of my emotional torment a rainbow will arrive if only I can patiently wait. Beyond my narcissistic nightmare emerges a faint white light.

A beginning happens at the exact moment of an ending. Simultaneously with my departure a star twinkles new radiance that sprouts a seed into a sapling. The doors of death open into another birth. Beyond the visible a candle re-lights just as the last breath blows it out. This mysterious invisible flame can not be blown since it perpetually shape shifts.

There is no beginning nor no end. Like nothing or zero, how can there not be something in infinity? Yes our body evaporates, and becomes star-dust. Once again, we are recycled carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and a host of other ingredient back into the grand cosmos.

Wallace Stevens wrote, in "The Deathbed as Altar," Death is the mother of beauty; hence from her, Alone, shall come fulfillment to our dreams, And our desires. Even Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "Death..the undiscovered, country" offers a reflection of the ultimate act of life or its opposite. This exploration raises the very question regarding of my very awakening. How fearless can I be to face my truths? Such profound assessments about my life and its mystery is my greatest task.

My imagination like the universe is boundless. Silence and stillness are my eternal guides. A divine mystical womb is out there, offering a tranquil refuge. I am simply star-dust blowing in the cosmic winds of time and space. Interconnected to all things; near and far; here and there; constantly being transfigured into another portion of this endless galaxy - a tiny twinkle of lite.

Let the Beauty We Love Be What We Do- Rumi

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